Struggling!

Don't know where to start, didn't ever want to write a post like I'm about to. Things are not good. My last few posts were all happy, I was all clear or so I was led to believe, after a few scans me and Chris went to see my oncologist Jo in Huddersfield last month, we sat in the waiting room for over 1 hour before finally going in to see Jo, after the usual how are you etc etc she then asked what we knew? We knew that I was given the all clear from leeds in April, I could tell just by her face something was wrong, then she went on to tell us things didn't add up mr S the surgeon was concerned that he hadn't got all the tumour, so why the fu*k were we told everything was good?? She couldn't answer that but after speaking with mr S she arranged the scan that confirmed the tumour was still there. We sat in her room in silence crying for a while, I was lost for words, so bloody angry. Next was an appointment that fri to see about more radiotherapy but as I've had 25 high dose before they can't give me much, but as she knows I'm willing to do anything so I can be mum to Jessica and Adam, my heart is breaking, I can't stop crying, I'm scared,my head is full of worry. Yesterday we returned to St James to the radiotherapy department, brought back so many memories from 6 year ago when I first when for treatment. I'm marked up now ready to start on the 4th sept when the children are back at school, I'm down for 5 treatments but I'm hoping for more. I'm not sure what will happen after radiotherapy,I'm taking 1 day at a time, we had a fun week last week with the children making lots of happy memories. Jess got her GCSE results too yesterday, she did amazing,we will be celebrating with the family at the weekend. Xx